Which Is Sexier?Pajamas or Latex Panties?

Lucky for my man, I am a sinfully sexual creature.  I enjoy curling up into a purring, sweaty puddle at the end of a vigorous session between the sheets.  In fact I crave it.  On the bed.  Over the arm of the chair, in the kitchen at midnight, on the floor spontaneously, I love getting down with my love. It serves as fuel for my life.  Without it I get cranky.  Without it I get whiny. I get needy. Jealous. Untrusting. All kinds of bitchy things start spewing from my lips if I don’t get to wrap my lips around him, every where… get the drift?

The problem is I am a tiny bit demanding and I want to always be the center of his universe of course… but that’s impossible isn’t it? To ALWAYS be the complete focus of another…  it is not a rational desire but I can’t shake it.

I have this unreasonable need to be sexy and attractive to him at all times.  I probably look hilarious when I am pouting while trying to get some action but at the same time trying to be hard-to-get …  I am not convincing, as I strut by him slowly staring at his crotch my mind shouting

“Wait..oops I have to suck in my gut and poke out my rear end to appear sexy.  Now I can’t make it easy for him, gotta make him work for it… ”

All these thoughts on my Mind kill the horny buzz and it makes me tired and slightly less vixeny.    Dam.  So, sometimes I chicken out.  I reluctantly shy back into my closet where I peel of my latex panties and remove my high heel hooker boots. Unclasp my wonder mega boob bra and slip my old green tee shirt from Vacation when I was a teen, and pair it with my pink and yellow striped pajama pants. I wind up looking like a mix between a candy raver and a crack head, but it is comfort to the max so save the judgment.

Funny thing is, my pajamas are the cure for any sexual distance between my love and I.  I always forget.  As soon as he sees me wearing my big striped pants and any old teeshirt he becomes magnetized to me.  He can’t resist me for some reason when I am ready for a nap.  I can’t stop laughing even as I type this because I am picturing a common scene at my place. I am usually shuffling to the fridge at midnight in tattered pjs, and as I  rifle through the various leftovers  I turn around to be greeted by a whopping, full sail, ready-to-get -beddy lover. He can’t even try to hide that thing.  Really??

My latex looks BANGIN but this is what makes me irresistible. Old cotton.

So, ladies,  try relaxing.  Slip into your hideous you.  Your worst cozy stuff. Magic I tell you. Magic.


Sexy Reflection After Battling an Enemy

Today, I had to face my most unforgiving, most relentless critic.   She embodies the most cruel and unyielding monster.   I know when she is approaching, but I only get a minute or two to prepare for the tsunami that is her glare.  Today I decided I was going to try a new approach with this awful woman.  The moment she appeared before me, I gave her a bottled water and a honey crisp apple.  Then I pointed at her and declared “Don’t fuck with my head today, Lady!” I continued, quickly hissing “Be cool!”

I stood before her,  my finger pointed stiffly at her face.    I was quiet for a moment and, to my surprise, the beast retracted her claws.

I burst into laughter at my own reflection.   You see,  I am that woman.  I had won the battle against myself.   I bit into the delicious apple, and winked at myself in the mirror.   .   I am so crazy for about 2 days every month.

It is the cost of being an all American female . We are trained very young to behave like spoiled Disney step sisters.  I admit, in the changing days of each month there are days when I succumb to my early PMS training .  I become an Irrational cry baby, and since I am the queen of the universe all those near me should be armed with at least one cupcake.

I am amused and embarrassed, simultaneously.   I Imagine what the world experiences as I throw another tantrum. Then, as madness set it’s grips a bit tighter around my throat, the mere thought of my  extreme emotions… sends me back into a bad mood.

That is why I love and loathe being  a female.  We are at once, poetry and disruption.  Venomous Medicine, fierce ferocious  feline, wearing a polite mask  to be civil.  What has happened to women in America?   We, as a group, have become cranky, whiny, self entitled  narcissist thinkers.

Today I won though!  I offered myself an apple and a water instead of a delicious cupcake. This action is not as immediately rewarding as the frosting on a chocolate desert, but it is a way to simmer down my inner critic for the moment.

I feel like apples are my bullet proof vest in the war on me.   Now does anyone have a peanut butter chocolate milkshake I can wash it down with??  Just kidding.    Girls:  go be nice to your boyfriends and husbands.   They really are saints in street clothes.   Guys:  Tell her she is sexy even if she appears a tiny bit disheveled, that’s all it takes.

Bye for now !