Today, I had to face my most unforgiving, most relentless critic. She embodies the most cruel and unyielding monster. I know when she is approaching, but I only get a minute or two to prepare for the tsunami that is her glare. Today I decided I was going to try a new approach with this awful woman. The moment she appeared before me, I gave her a bottled water and a honey crisp apple. Then I pointed at her and declared “Don’t fuck with my head today, Lady!” I continued, quickly hissing “Be cool!”
I stood before her, my finger pointed stiffly at her face. I was quiet for a moment and, to my surprise, the beast retracted her claws.
I burst into laughter at my own reflection. You see, I am that woman. I had won the battle against myself. I bit into the delicious apple, and winked at myself in the mirror. . I am so crazy for about 2 days every month.
It is the cost of being an all American female . We are trained very young to behave like spoiled Disney step sisters. I admit, in the changing days of each month there are days when I succumb to my early PMS training . I become an Irrational cry baby, and since I am the queen of the universe all those near me should be armed with at least one cupcake.
I am amused and embarrassed, simultaneously. I Imagine what the world experiences as I throw another tantrum. Then, as madness set it’s grips a bit tighter around my throat, the mere thought of my extreme emotions… sends me back into a bad mood.
That is why I love and loathe being a female. We are at once, poetry and disruption. Venomous Medicine, fierce ferocious feline, wearing a polite mask to be civil. What has happened to women in America? We, as a group, have become cranky, whiny, self entitled narcissist thinkers.
Today I won though! I offered myself an apple and a water instead of a delicious cupcake. This action is not as immediately rewarding as the frosting on a chocolate desert, but it is a way to simmer down my inner critic for the moment.
I feel like apples are my bullet proof vest in the war on me. Now does anyone have a peanut butter chocolate milkshake I can wash it down with?? Just kidding. Girls: go be nice to your boyfriends and husbands. They really are saints in street clothes. Guys: Tell her she is sexy even if she appears a tiny bit disheveled, that’s all it takes.
Bye for now !