Sexy Reflection After Battling an Enemy

Today, I had to face my most unforgiving, most relentless critic.   She embodies the most cruel and unyielding monster.   I know when she is approaching, but I only get a minute or two to prepare for the tsunami that is her glare.  Today I decided I was going to try a new approach with this awful woman.  The moment she appeared before me, I gave her a bottled water and a honey crisp apple.  Then I pointed at her and declared “Don’t fuck with my head today, Lady!” I continued, quickly hissing “Be cool!”

I stood before her,  my finger pointed stiffly at her face.    I was quiet for a moment and, to my surprise, the beast retracted her claws.

I burst into laughter at my own reflection.   You see,  I am that woman.  I had won the battle against myself.   I bit into the delicious apple, and winked at myself in the mirror.   .   I am so crazy for about 2 days every month.

It is the cost of being an all American female . We are trained very young to behave like spoiled Disney step sisters.  I admit, in the changing days of each month there are days when I succumb to my early PMS training .  I become an Irrational cry baby, and since I am the queen of the universe all those near me should be armed with at least one cupcake.

I am amused and embarrassed, simultaneously.   I Imagine what the world experiences as I throw another tantrum. Then, as madness set it’s grips a bit tighter around my throat, the mere thought of my  extreme emotions… sends me back into a bad mood.

That is why I love and loathe being  a female.  We are at once, poetry and disruption.  Venomous Medicine, fierce ferocious  feline, wearing a polite mask  to be civil.  What has happened to women in America?   We, as a group, have become cranky, whiny, self entitled  narcissist thinkers.

Today I won though!  I offered myself an apple and a water instead of a delicious cupcake. This action is not as immediately rewarding as the frosting on a chocolate desert, but it is a way to simmer down my inner critic for the moment.

I feel like apples are my bullet proof vest in the war on me.   Now does anyone have a peanut butter chocolate milkshake I can wash it down with??  Just kidding.    Girls:  go be nice to your boyfriends and husbands.   They really are saints in street clothes.   Guys:  Tell her she is sexy even if she appears a tiny bit disheveled, that’s all it takes.

Bye for now !



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